Given Up
by BokuraNoLoveStyle
Summary: Based off the song from Linkin Park's new cd Minutes to Midnight. Kaoru has a nightmare,but what happens when he wakes up? HikaxKao


Bokura: WOW I'm actually another songfic! Lol actually this is dedicated to soulless wanderer cuz...YAY they reviewed and liked it ! lol so yea, enjoy!!!!! I don't own Ouran (Bisco Hatori does) and this song is from Linkin Park's new cd the song is "Given Up"

_Italics are the lyrics_

* * *

**Minutes to Midnight**

* * *

_Given Up_

* * *

_Wake in a sweat again Another day's been laid to waste In my disgrace_

Images of that night's nightmare cascaded down on Kaoru. He put his sweaty palms on his forehead as the images came to his mind, causing him to gasp and shut his eyes tightly , trying to make it all go away.

Kaoru sat there in the darkness of the night , as he watched his mirror image frantically searching for his Kaoru. Little did he know Kaoru was there within reach,but for some reason not within sight. What was going on? Why couldn't Hikaru find him? Had they lost their connection so much Hikaru didn't even have that feeling of his presence? All of a sudden white consumed him as time passed by him. Images of his brother and many of them had Haruhi in it. Missing files of Kaoru appeared and somehow he got to a lovely spot in what looked to be a park. He turned his back at the laughter and joy that was heard. He saw his love getting married to a brunette with medium length hair. It was Haruhi , and she was actually in a white dress. 'Of course she'd be in a dress, it's…..her….wedding' that last thought caused Kaoru to fall to his knees, tears streaming down his face. "H-hi-hikaru…." He strode over to his mirror image and tried to wrap his arms around him, claiming him as his own, but to no avail. He saw his older brother look to the sky and words that pierced through Kaoru's heart was heard. " What would you say now brother? If you could see me now and stand beside me?" Tears formed on both of their faces and more white was surrounding Kaoru. This time he didn't see images or go through time, instead he sat in whiteness, a black form sat there destroying the pureness. "What do you want?" tears uncontrollably fell from his face as he spoke. The black form just sat there staring finally one word was spoken. "Useless," it started towards Kaoru. Kaoru started to scoot back " what?!"

"You're useless, an object that is just in your brother's way. Let him go, he doesn't love you the way you love him. Give up, run away, die." All of a sudden the form was clear and Hikaru's image came into view. It wasn't a blank unknown figure saying these things, it was Hikaru. Was that really how Hikaru felt? No , it couldn't be, but it seems so real…..

That was when Kaoru woke up from his sleepless rest. He stared down at his shaking hands and then turned his face towards a sleeping form that was sprawled all over the bed. His older brother lie there in a happy state. 'I'm glad you're having a happy dream' A smile crept on his face , but then he turned back to his thoughts.

_Stuck in my head again Feels like I'll never leave this place There's no escape_

He slowly crept to the bathroom trying to make as little of noise as possible. 'Hikaru would never feel that way would he?' His thoughts kept reminiscing his nightmare. 'He would never leave me either, but maybe my nightmare was right , he never would feel the way I do for me and I am just a nuisance to him. My feelings are forbidden so it's impossible, right? Maybe I'm standing in his way, I'm causing him to suffer even though he doesn't notice it yet….or does he? And he's just scared to tell me and see my reaction. How would I react to that? I'd probably say I understand and move from him and let him pass our gates. Then what? Would I just go and act as if I'm fine and hide like I've been doing ? Or would the thoughts of it all just cause me to lash out on myself….or worse him?' Kaoru looked at himself in the mirror and a feeling of hate and agony crossed his path as his fist collided with the mirror. "WHY?! Why do I have to feel like this?! Why do I have to act like nothing is wrong?" the last question could barely be heard and tears were now staining the delicate pale face. Blood was mixing in with the tears on the tiled floor and the amber eyed, red-haired twin, clenched his fists as he tried to control himself.

'_I'm my own worst enemy……'_ that thought caused him to open his eyes that somehow closed without his permission. He glanced at one of the shattered pieces of glass from the mirror and took it with shaking hands. 'Maybe, I should just kill myself…..' With an interrupted knock at the bathroom door his thoughts stopped and he dropped the broken piece .

"Kaoru! OPEN UP! I heard something break! Are you okay?! KAORU! KAORU!" bangs were heard on the other side of the door as Kaoru scurried along trying to pick up the pieces. He wiped away his tears and realized he was still bleeding . 'Shit….' He grabbed a bunch of toilet paper and wrapped it all around his hand, maybe this would hide the blood. Kaoru went and unlocked the bathroom door and creaked it open. He put on a fake smile as he greeted his twin. His injured hand was hidden behind his back…..

"Kaoru what happened? What broke?" Hikaru asked, the same amber eyes as Kaoru's, only his were filled with concern and a hint of ….fear?

"Oh it was nothing, trust me ," a forced smile was played on his face.

"Kaoru, don't lie , what'd you break, and why is your hand behind your back? Kaoru tell me, you can tell me anything, please Kaoru…."

Kaoru looked away and just whispered words that played on his lips.

"_I've given up, I'm sick of feeling…" 'is there nothing you can say?'_ that last bit he knew would be bad if he said. Of course it seemed like it was a mistake to even say that…..

"Kaoru?" worried hands clasped themselves around his younger twins frail shoulders. "Please…..don't…."

Soon Kaoru felt wetness dampen his bare shoulder….Hikaru was crying? Impossible, Hikaru was the strong one , the one that never cried unless Kaoru was hurt. Was that why he was crying, 'cuz he could feel the pain inside Kaoru that Kaoru himself was hiding because he was afraid of it? That couldn't be why….he made sure he hid his pain of longing for his older twin well. Kaoru just stood there staring out into the room he and Hikaru shared, thoughts consuming him. 'Why do I feel this way? Why? And for my twin no doubt. I'm disgusting and selfish, I'm even thinking about myself while my world is crying on my shoulder. How do I stop this feeling? I want to stop hurting and forget about it all, I just want to live like I used to. No thoughts of death, or love, just me and Hikaru in our world. Nothing more than brothers….why can't I have that anymore?' A single tear slowly made it's way down Kaoru's cheek.

Hikaru wiped his eyes and looked at Kaoru his hands tightening on his younger brother's shoulders. "Kaoru…?" no response…. "Kaoru!" he was shaking his twin now , and he still got a dazed look from his twin.

'_Take this all away, I'm suffocating, Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me..'_

"Kaoru…..c'mon don't do this to yourself, to me….please.."Hikaru was clasping his hands around Kaoru's cheeks , not even caring about the tears that hit his slender fingers.

_I don't know what to take. Thought I was focused but I'm scared I'm not prepared_

'I got to tell him how I feel….now before it's too late. But how? And how will he react? He'll probably run off or hate me or something….I can just picture it now. Oh hey Hikaru did I mentionI'm madly in love with you , more than a brother too! And Hikaru will be all like what? You're a sick and perverted , stay out of my life, I never want to talk to you again!' This thought just caused more tears to be shed. 'No I'm not ready for him to hate me forever.'

_I hyperventilate Looking for help somehow somewhere _

'_And No one cares….._No, stop being an idiot Kaoru…y'know Hikaru cares deeply. I mean just look at him…'

"KAORU!!!!! SNAP OUT OF IT!" Hikaru was shaking his twin with as much effort as possible and finally got a look from his brother. A look of fear crossed Kaoru's eyes as his knees buckled , causing him to fall in his brothers arms.

"Kaoru what's wrong?!"

Kaoru wanted to say something back , but for some reason he couldn't breathe. He kept clawing at his throat for air as he caused more blood to stream out of his body. Before darkness could take him into it's depths he watched Hikaru frantically heading towards the phone and calling for an emergency squad to take his younger mirror image away. '_I'm my own worst enemy..'_

Whiteness…..again. Kaoru looked around , hoping he could just be with himself, and hoping the figure would not appear again. He spun around and his feelings of hope were ruined as the figure stood there in front of him. Hikaru's face appeared…wait…this wasn't Hikaru….this was…..himself.

"Humph, you really are pathetic aren't you?" the figure pushed Kaoru to his back as his clone straddled the real Kaoru.Kaoru looked up to see images play in front of him. All were of Hikaru, but this time no Haruhi. 'Great now I get to suffer my pervertedness , even in my unconciousness.' "You're useless and disgusting, hopefully the doctors won't save you and maybe you could save yourself….somehow….I doubt it though. Because even in death, you'll still be without Hikaru and Hikaru will live happily without you.

"_I've given up, I'm sick of feeling…."_

The clone just sat and stared at the real Kaoru.and Kaoru continued_…"Is there nothing you can say?Take this all away…I'm suffocating..Tell me …what the fuck is wrong with me…."_ Him and his clone were interrupted by a sound that was heard behind them. There stood Hikaru, tears coursing their way down his beautiful face. The clone disappeared and Kaoru stood up , and slowly made his way towards his twin..if it was him.

"Hikaru?" he slowly took baby steps towards the unflinching figure.

"Kaoru…..what is wrong? You used to tell me everything and now it's like I don't even know you…..Please just come back to me…..I need you….God I wish I could tell you how much . You have no idea how much I love you. You're everything to me and if you don't wake up, how will I live? There's no way….we came into this world together and we'll be going out the same way…so please just wake up…" Kaoru ,with hearing this, ran to his twin and hugged him as tightly as possible and darkness overwhelmed him.

Kaoru's hand twitched on top of Hikaru's as Hikaru bolted upright. Was Kaoru waking up? With his hopes fulfilled Hikaru say identical eyes open up, blink from the light it just realized, and open up aain, this time facing him.

"Hey…" a small smile played on the bedridden face. Kaoru's voice was hoarse and he realized his throat and hand were bandaged up rather tightly.

Tears appeared on Hikaru's face as he lit up , a small filling his face and he clenched his twin lovingly, making sure he didn't hurt his injuries.Kaoru put his uninjured hand on Hikaru's back and was comforting him by rubbing up and down his back.

"I'm so happy you're back….the doctors were telling me how you might not wake up , but you are awake…I knew it…I knew you would…" Hikaru came up and sat on Kaoru's hospital bed as he wiped his fallen tears away.

"Hikaru….I need to tell you something….but please don't hate me alright?" Kaoru was glancing at the floor now and biting his bottom lip with nervousness.

"What? Kaoru no matter what I could never hate you…"Hikaru put his hand under Kaoru's chin to make Kaoru look at him.

Kaoru looked at Hikaru , tears forming in the corners of his eyes and he clasped Hikaru's hand and put it down on the bed. Kaoru hugged himself as he told his feelings to Hikaru.

"I…I'm in love with you…" Hikaru was about to interrupt with his 'you know I love you too ' but Kaoru put a hand over Hikaru's lips. "Not that kind of love…more than a brother is what I meant….I'm sorry , I know it is wrong of me and I understand if you don't want me in your life anymore , but I …I just needed to tell you the truth…" Silent tears ran slowly down Kaoru's pale features and he put his head in his lap. What he didn't expect was an identical body , pulling Kaoru out of his ball and making him face his mirror image.

A soft smile showed on Hikaru's soften features and his body leant closer to Kaoru. Hikaru caressed his twins injured hand softly.

"Is that…is that why you injured yourself?" Hikaru gazed at his twin. Kaoru looked up and dashed his eyes away. "Baka……you didn't need to hurt yourself for such a stupid reason.." Kaoru looked up to protest , but soft, warm lips landed on his. "There was no need to do this to yourself since I feel the same way…" A smile that was meant only for Kaoru appeared, but then he went serious. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner….maybe it could've stopped you from the pain …." Hikaru stared at the floor, cursing at himself.

A soft hand was placed once again on Hikaur's shoulder and when he turned, Kaoru fiercely, yet passionately kissed Hikaru's lips. Biting at the lower half of Kaoru's lips, Hikaru begged for entrance and when accepted, he greeted Kaoru's tongue with his own. Until the other needed to breathe, did they stop and look at each other.

"Don't blame yourself….it wasn't your fault….alright?" Kaoru's hand was caressing Hikaru's fluttered cheek. Hikaru leaned into Kaoru's soft hand and relaxed.

"Hn so how do you think milord is going to act when he finds out our brotherly love act isn't an act anymore?" Kaoru asked with an amused tone.

"Hmmm, right about now, I don't really care too much …" Hikaru leaned down and pressed his forehead to Kaoru's . amber eyes were staring back into amber eyes, each filled with love and happiness…that's all the twins needed to know the other was thinking the exact same…..

* * *

Bokura: I hope you enjoyed! Please review and I might write more songfics!


End file.
